An open letter to my 14-year-old self.

I've read several of these recently and though it might be worth writing one myself, so on Tuesday I did. I'm not trying to be brave or wise here; I just though this could help me, or others, and I hope it does. Certain individuals have been unnamed and incidents unmentioned for discretion.

"Dear Jarred,

I’m writing to you today as you’re nearly at the halfway point of my life so far, and because I’m afraid this will be maybe the hardest year of your life so far. Year 9 will be the year when puberty really kicks in for you. That’s not all doom and gloom, but adolescence is still one very choppy ocean to navigate. You will reach the shore, but with my hindsight I can make the sailing smoother for you.

At home, you have a close-knit family who, while you will have rocky patches with them (as virtually as families do) over the years, will always leave their doors open for you. But you must do more to earn that love and nourishment, and doing so will make you appreciate it more anyway. And this year, your anxiety disorder will manifest itself overwhelmingly, costing you much sleep at night, and affecting your parents similarly. Then in a few more years, although this is nobody’s fault, once your siblings move out, as the youngest, you will find the house quite a bit emptier.

To handle your anxiety, and the depression it will also cause, along with seeing several therapists you will be put on three medications: Anafranil, Luvox and much later Desvenlaxafine. They all help, but the harsh truth is: no amount of pills (or the movies and music you, for that matter) can truly make you happy in the long run. You have to find that through your own endeavours.

Struggling with your diagnoses (as your Asperger’s one will also really sink in soon) will also affect you at school, where your behaviour especially should improve. You have heaps of friends but also frequent bullies. I now think that was somehow a healthy mix. But soon you will bully many of your classmates, arguably worse than you get bullied yourself. Suffice it to say I still find that very hard to discuss, and sympathy will only get you so far.

You will also find yourself getting very emotional at school for this and other (very trivial) reasons, and when this makes one of your friends, a fellow 14-year-old, forcefully tell you to grow up, you probably should.

But on a lighter note: you’re famous around school for your dancing, and eventually people constantly hounding you to dance for them will frustrate you slightly, which is somewhat understandable. But as much as possible you should oblige, if only to reciprocate their kindness. But there’s much more to life than being cool.

You won’t have a girlfriend throughout school either, but I guarantee you the first rejection is the hardest, and your time will come, and it’ll be totally worth the wait.

You will get your first job in Year 11, which will be the hardest year academically, and after Year 12 you’ll go straight to uni. Despite everything, I would recommend tertiary study to anyone at all. But I don’t want to spoil everything for you, because there are some lessons (the life and academic kinds) and experiences we must all respectively learn and witness for ourselves.

Overall, you are not a bad boy. You just need an older mentor for honest guidance but who still believes in you, as I do. And who knows? Perhaps you’ll mentor me in return, or others. But most of all, remember this: growing up is tough, and it won’t end when school will. But adolescence is simply what YOU make it into, and you will survive it regardless. So, savour it while it lasts. Just don’t stuff up where I did then.

Love,

Jarred

07/03/17."