Berry bad news for Australian fruit farmers.

For nearly a week now as you might know, Australia has been in the midst of a very peculiar scandal. No, a dingo hasn't taken a baby again. And no, a teenager hasn't emerged again from her boyfriend's cupboard after being missing for several years. Rather, nationwide we have seen some person or most likely group inserting sewing needles into numerous brands of our commercially-sold strawberries. I'm actually (carefully) eating some for lunch as I compose this post. I'm sorry to say it started in my state, Queensland, last weekend, and now as I said it's gone around the country. (Personally, my suspicion is on blueberry farmers being the culprits.)

But as I'm tryphanophobic (afraid of needles), that's where my jokes end here. Now, I'm not condoning the actions of those responsible at all, but they clearly made the smartest possible choice of fruit for their plan. Strawberries are small, soft and squishy and therefore absolutely anybody could poke something sharp through them for a bit of "fun." Apples for example, on the other hand, are big, solid and have an unmissable core; there's no way you'd get a needle through one of them, and they only grow in the coldest parts of Australia anyway.

When I bought my latest punnet this week at Woolworths, they'd actually had to erect a notice above the berries ensuring customers they were safe to buy and advising us nonetheless to cut them up before eating them (which I just did, by the way). Six brands are known to have been affected: Berry Licious, Berry Obsession, Donnybrook, Love Berry, Delightful Strawberries and Oasis. It's since even reportedly spread today to needles being found in mangoes (which I hate, but no, I had no responsibility there). I'm sure this crisis has already started to hurt Australia's fruit farmers, who were already coping with widespread drought.

So let's everybody do what we can to stick by them. Society has never survived without farmers, so it is the least we can do, and it reflects the great Australian tradition of mateship. If you can eat them, stock up on the strawberries you can find. Besides, they're incredibly yummy and (sans needles) as healthy as hell.