This one will be very hard for me to write, but hopefully it won't be too hard for you to read. I know it's very risky publicising personal stuff like this but I can't let any of it eat away at me, so here goes.
I turned 20 in 2008. Back then I was still an undergraduate student, I'd just finished three years as a chemist cleaner (a job I couldn't stand; they eventually had to fire me), and I'd just come off my first relationship, though I still wasn't open about my Asperger's. And as a staunch Labor supporter, I was delighted that Kevin Rudd had just been elected Prime Minister. After finishing my chemist cleaning job I chose to focus totally on my studies, and I remember feeling genuinely optimistic about the future. About my future.
And what has that optimism come to now? Well, today, I'm pushing 30, and if the quarter-life crisis hasn't yet struck, I can see it approaching. I think I know what I can do to avoid or lessen it, but I'm stumped about how to do that. I'm very proud of my education, and deeply grateful for and happy about all the personal and professional connections I've formed over my life. And one big positive changed I've pulled off after uni is living independently, which I'm also enjoying. But I can't ignore the facts about my career: I'm nearly 28, currently unemployed despite an Honours Degree, I have no business management experience, and objectivity is not a virtue of mine. For that matter, my degree often makes me either over- or underqualified for a job, depending on the industry and role.
I've also changed personally a fair bit in the last few years, for good and bad. I remember saying on Facebook last year about my then-upcoming ten-year high school reunion that I couldn't wait for my old teachers to see how so many of my former classmates had grown from unruly kids to mature, upstanding young adults only to then find I'd done the opposite. I still feel that's what's happened, though for the record I know when and how to be mature; I just despise prissiness (but none of my friends are guilty of that).
I find when living alone you get quite introspective often, and maybe that has also inspired this piece. But that's a very important mindset, especially when you've reached a crossroads or you're approaching a life milestone, however old you might be. My dream career is to be a writer, or anything in film and TV. I've worked as a volunteer radio announcer, and this year, after two actor friends kept egging me on, I've started performing in local theatre productions, which is great fun. I've also written a short play for a festival with the theatre group I belong to (it was rejected for apparently being too technically challenging), and of course I'm actively writing this blog now, though admittedly I was egged into doing that also. I really do love all art, but for whatever reason I still need prodding to get off my arse and pursue it, continuously. What will it take? A very sudden death of a close friend or relative? I certainly don't want anything like that, but as the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need."
I should also emphasize that for some time after finishing my 25 000-word Honours thesis in 2012, I truly felt like a survivor.
But make no mistake, I acknowledge I'm doing better than many others, I appreciate that and I try not to take it for granted. I want to grow into a better and more successful person, so I'm not writing this same piece in ten years' time. I really don't know if I'll achieve that. But the future is not set. It is not.
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