Friday 20 April 2018

The recurring neurological barrier.

Let me regale you, at the risk of burdening you, with something rather existential that I experienced on Wednesday night. Now, I must stress it was nothing and nobody's fault; it just unfolded this way. And it came from my Asperger's. Life on the autistic spectrum, at least for me, sometimes presents this invisible neurological barrier in certain environments, particularly socially. It was at a political function (I've been active in local politics for several years) and despite knowing exactly what to expect and the function meeting those expectations, my mood there, while fully civil, was increasingly isolated and overwhelmed. It was so strange I still don't quite know what had come over me, especially as a friend who also has Asperger's but is less public about it had also been there. I usually attribute this feeling to having grown up as the youngest in my family, but here I knew it was more from my condition. Particularly as the others' conversations sounded surprisingly loud to me from across the room and in a pub. I went home feeling rather depressed and exposed, but that was very fleeting.

I consider it a strong case of the neurological divide between Aspies and neurotypicals. Now this is where I could alienate some of you, and that isn't always present - far from it - but when it is, it can feel like a force-field. You want to jump in and have your two cents but you mightn't know how to, when or even if you should. I can assure you I'd already become welcome anywhere with those I knew at this event, and I can be ambiverted and free-spirited, but this detachment there was so unexpected it knocked the wind right out of my sails.

But I digress; that's the end of the sob story part. If you're not on the spectrum and you're socialising with somebody who is but they're acting withdrawn, encourage but never force them to open up. If it's vice versa, opening up is your choice alone and that barrier is hard, but never impenetrable.

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