Having a brain of my own.

I think there's one in every social circle: the friend or acquaintance who consistently, if maybe unintentionally, challenges you a great deal mentally. I have several, but one truly stands out. I won't name him even though he won't read this, but his identity is irrelevant. Now, I want to be clear that while I frequently disagree with him, I really look up to him and I like to think I've taught him things in return.

But he reads voraciously, and therein lies the conflict. Very frequently during and after interactions with him, particularly of course when we've been discussing political or academic topics, he has so many logical and persuasive counter-arguments to my statements that I can subsequently dumb, even though I have an Honours degree and am currently studying again. I'm sure he doesn't mean to make me feel as such, but I just can't help it. And that feeling usually passes but I still naturally recall the discussion.

He's several years my senior, and therefore something of a mentor to me alongside being a friend. But while he has a genuinely good heart, it's under a pretty hard exterior which compels him to press his views and opinions very assertively and confrontationally; by contrast, I'm pretty quiet and (often) diplomatic. Plus, he values facts, and those certainly do matter, but I am more emotional where he's more cerebral. But nonetheless, we've always understood and valued each other deep down.

Anyway, on to the internal challenge he has inspired in me: to, as the philosopher Harrison once sang "think for yourself, 'cause I won't be there with you." Debates with him have, several times, resulted in me experiencing cognitive dissonance, the first time subconsciously so, and that may help to be diplomatic but not, to my mind, quite free-thinking. I'm pretty sure he would want me to have at least some semblance of cognitive independence anyway, and he seems to respect my opinions and my right to express them. I just value being my own person, and for me that's often hard when dealing with types whose brains work like his does. But nonetheless, I am confident he wants me to march to my own beat, and if he does see this I sincerely hope he takes no issue with it.