Firstly, I need whoever sees this to please read it all before passing judgment, if they see fit to do that. Secondly, let me provide some background information for context and so you know my side of this. Over the last few years, on Facebook I've had several friends who were initially helpful and kind, but who gradually became, to my mind, very clingy and sycophantic. I don't know why I find that excessive kindness very annoying or even if I should, but I just can't help finding it as such, and increasingly to the point where I must express it. Before today, I had told two of them about it via private messages; the first one (to my knowledge) copped it while the second deleted her entire account.
Last week, I felt I had to ask a third to follow suit. Initially, she apologised and then I told her how it annoyed me whenever anybody did it, and we left it at that. She then made several more posts so I took those as signs that she was coping, but that was until this morning when another message came. I won't post it here for privacy reasons and because doing so would mean having to re-read it which will make me dwell on it even further. However, she started it by saying I will never know or understand how I've made her feel, and ended it by calling herself a shit person and saying goodbye to me. In the process, she called me self-centred and deleted her account.
That is still sinking in now for me, but I am (internally) very afraid she then tried to self-harm, or is considering it strongly. I never wanted anything like that and I sincerely understand why she found my approach self-centered; I truly was just trying to help us both. I brought this to her attention because I did not want her to cop my anger and I didn't enjoy being angry with her. Anger is an unpleasant emotion for both sides. Plus, while I concede I should have considered her own feelings more in my manner of approaching her about this (and initially I did ask her if she was okay, although I wish I had subsequently repeated that question), I simply wanted to show her how sometimes being a true friend (at least IMO) means showing restraint, which is a lesson I've had to learn myself.
Now as I sit here composing this entry, I am very uneasy and I apologise if it's too much too take, but nobody can suffer in silence and I also didn't know quite how much she must've been struggling. I absolutely hope she is okay and I want nothing but the best for her and her family. It's just, without her phone number or address, I have no way of knowing quite what she has done. But if she's still here and she reads this, she knows who she is and I want her to know: I am deeply sorry, we all love you very much, and you have a great deal to live for.
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